So its NYE weekend.....I decided to just keep myself at home during this weekend, as well as thru January. I know this sounds silly, but for me- My eating disorder seems to always come back when I have something big to prepare for in such a little time.
If I was going to give in, I would have stopped eating days ago (to try and drop all this extra weight I have put on) and I would more than likely be succesful. But as soon as I get around food, go to dinners, I obviously eat, and eat A LOT...and it seems like almost immediatly all the weight is put back on. Even going out with my friends and drinking, lowers my self control. In the past, I would be either be on a starvation diet, or actually eating really healthy, and the second I drink alcohol- I want pizza, fast food...well actually ANYTHING!
Until I can get to a weight I am comfortable in- and feel I look good in, and especially gain self control, I will be staying at home, preparing every meal-so I know everything im putting in my body, and working out. I must say, it kinda bums me out...but I know in the long run, I will be so much happier than going out and having a grand ol weekend and getting myself off track.
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