I wake up everyday excited to live life, my time isnt consumed with thoughts of food all day. Im actually finding a lot of free time, and I need to figure out something to do to occupy myself.
Happy New Year, I feel like Im breaking free, finally!
Saturday, December 31, 2011
Almost a new year, closer to a new me
I am feeling so good right now, I can feel the weight coming off. And for once, its been coming off the right way! The best part is, I dont feel hungry, I have so much energy...this is great!
I wake up everyday excited to live life, my time isnt consumed with thoughts of food all day. Im actually finding a lot of free time, and I need to figure out something to do to occupy myself.
Happy New Year, I feel like Im breaking free, finally!
I wake up everyday excited to live life, my time isnt consumed with thoughts of food all day. Im actually finding a lot of free time, and I need to figure out something to do to occupy myself.
Happy New Year, I feel like Im breaking free, finally!
Friday, December 30, 2011
Avoiding Temptation until Im strong enough
So its NYE weekend.....I decided to just keep myself at home during this weekend, as well as thru January. I know this sounds silly, but for me- My eating disorder seems to always come back when I have something big to prepare for in such a little time.
If I was going to give in, I would have stopped eating days ago (to try and drop all this extra weight I have put on) and I would more than likely be succesful. But as soon as I get around food, go to dinners, I obviously eat, and eat A LOT...and it seems like almost immediatly all the weight is put back on. Even going out with my friends and drinking, lowers my self control. In the past, I would be either be on a starvation diet, or actually eating really healthy, and the second I drink alcohol- I want pizza, fast food...well actually ANYTHING!
Until I can get to a weight I am comfortable in- and feel I look good in, and especially gain self control, I will be staying at home, preparing every meal-so I know everything im putting in my body, and working out. I must say, it kinda bums me out...but I know in the long run, I will be so much happier than going out and having a grand ol weekend and getting myself off track.
If I was going to give in, I would have stopped eating days ago (to try and drop all this extra weight I have put on) and I would more than likely be succesful. But as soon as I get around food, go to dinners, I obviously eat, and eat A LOT...and it seems like almost immediatly all the weight is put back on. Even going out with my friends and drinking, lowers my self control. In the past, I would be either be on a starvation diet, or actually eating really healthy, and the second I drink alcohol- I want pizza, fast food...well actually ANYTHING!
Until I can get to a weight I am comfortable in- and feel I look good in, and especially gain self control, I will be staying at home, preparing every meal-so I know everything im putting in my body, and working out. I must say, it kinda bums me out...but I know in the long run, I will be so much happier than going out and having a grand ol weekend and getting myself off track.
Day 3, Starting to see results already!
In todays pictures, I dont look like Im 9 months pregnant! My body feels great and my head is clearing up!
Day 2, looks like this
I didnt see much of a difference, and didnt expect to...but im still taking pictures of my daily progress.
Thursday, December 29, 2011
The plan
Im on day 2...trying just 1 day at a time, seems a bit more managable. Its pretty easy today, but I know it will get harder so im trying to prepare myself now.
So what Im doing now (and this is an experiment) and hopefully I will be succesful. Im not being anal about calorie counting, but I do have a pretty good idea that Im not eating too many. I got a juicer/blender for christmas, and yesterday I put it to use.
My meal plan is looking like this:
Breakfast- Green smoothie and egg whites- Vegetable Juice, Spinach, Kale, Celery and Carrots. I just throw that in the blender and enjoy:) It honestly doesnt taste that bad....
Snacks-I have been snacking on small clementimes when I feel hunger coming on.
Lunch- Spinach with Blackberries and a little goat cheese
Dinner- Low carb wrap, with turkey and saurkraut.... I wanted to introduce Saurkraut into my diet after watching DR. OZ. A ton of health benefits from eating this, and it tastes good in sandwiches
I decided to cut soda out of my daily routine...I was AM addicted to Diet Coke, but I feel like if Im going to do this, Im going to do it 100%
So there you have it, well see how this goes. This is all about Will Power! I know that I want it bad enough, and I will be able to win this battle!
and I started excersising yesterday...Starting with at least 30 minutes of cardio.
Wednesday, December 28, 2011
Bulimia...Where it all started for me
I decided to start up a blog, to share my ongoing battle with Bulimia. I know there are so many others out there, that are going through the exact same thing...So I hope to dicuss as well as help those out there that are struggling with this horrible addiction.
My bulimia started when I was in 5th grade. I was a very tall girl, very slender.... I was in gymnastics, and i remember like it was yesterday. My coach at the time, said that my butt was too big, and that I needed to lose weight. I went home and told my mother, and she immediately pulled me from the class. It was too late though. What my coach said, had given me a terrible image of myself. I went home, I made myself throw up all the food I had eaten for dinner, and this is where it began. Now I wasnt throwing up every meal at this time in my life. When I ate something bad-or ate too much, I knew I could just go "get rid of it." I stopped for a couple of years, and didnt really think too much about it. When I was 14 years old, my mother passed away. She was my best friend, and I felt so alone. So what did I do? Food became my best friend. I would eat and eat, and then go purge everything. I wasnt ever really "too skinny" though, probably because I was consuming well over 5,000 calories a meal.
I cant tell you how many times I tried to stop. I hated eating so much, I hated throwing up, I hated everything about bulimia. There were always times that I tried to stop. I would eat super healthy, go to the gym, do EVERYTHING! I would put on so much weight regardless, and then I just thought, WHATEVER, SCREW THIS. Im going back to eating whatever the hell i want.
Last year was my worst... I was going through a bad breakup, and I felt like the only thing I could control was my weight. I binged and purged-and sometimes would go days without eating, I took laxatives, I would take adderol... I lost 40 pounds and was skin and bone. I loved the way my clothes would fit, and I fed off of people saying how disgustingly thin I looked, I LOVED that.
It was very apparent that I was up to something, and it wasnt long before my girlfriend pulled me aside and said she knew I was throwing up, and I had to stop. I was so embarrased, I thought I was invinsible.
As much as I loved the weight I was, I hated what I was doing to obtain it. I have missed out on so much- all because of this. Its been 6 months since then. I would be lying if I said I hadnt thrown up, but I have come to terms that this is not the way to live. I hate my relationship with food. I hate the way my body looks....I still eat the same ammount I used to, except I dont throw it up. My weight has reached an all time high, and its so depressing. I want to change now, and I will do it the right way.
I will be blogging my road to success, because I will succeed. I will beat this and it will be my biggest victory yet.
My bulimia started when I was in 5th grade. I was a very tall girl, very slender.... I was in gymnastics, and i remember like it was yesterday. My coach at the time, said that my butt was too big, and that I needed to lose weight. I went home and told my mother, and she immediately pulled me from the class. It was too late though. What my coach said, had given me a terrible image of myself. I went home, I made myself throw up all the food I had eaten for dinner, and this is where it began. Now I wasnt throwing up every meal at this time in my life. When I ate something bad-or ate too much, I knew I could just go "get rid of it." I stopped for a couple of years, and didnt really think too much about it. When I was 14 years old, my mother passed away. She was my best friend, and I felt so alone. So what did I do? Food became my best friend. I would eat and eat, and then go purge everything. I wasnt ever really "too skinny" though, probably because I was consuming well over 5,000 calories a meal.
I cant tell you how many times I tried to stop. I hated eating so much, I hated throwing up, I hated everything about bulimia. There were always times that I tried to stop. I would eat super healthy, go to the gym, do EVERYTHING! I would put on so much weight regardless, and then I just thought, WHATEVER, SCREW THIS. Im going back to eating whatever the hell i want.
Last year was my worst... I was going through a bad breakup, and I felt like the only thing I could control was my weight. I binged and purged-and sometimes would go days without eating, I took laxatives, I would take adderol... I lost 40 pounds and was skin and bone. I loved the way my clothes would fit, and I fed off of people saying how disgustingly thin I looked, I LOVED that.
It was very apparent that I was up to something, and it wasnt long before my girlfriend pulled me aside and said she knew I was throwing up, and I had to stop. I was so embarrased, I thought I was invinsible.
As much as I loved the weight I was, I hated what I was doing to obtain it. I have missed out on so much- all because of this. Its been 6 months since then. I would be lying if I said I hadnt thrown up, but I have come to terms that this is not the way to live. I hate my relationship with food. I hate the way my body looks....I still eat the same ammount I used to, except I dont throw it up. My weight has reached an all time high, and its so depressing. I want to change now, and I will do it the right way.
I will be blogging my road to success, because I will succeed. I will beat this and it will be my biggest victory yet.
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